


B stands for better then expected

by storybored



Series: 25 days of Hellblazer [4]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Hellblazer, Hellblazer & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alex Logue is burning in hell, And it's so well deserved], Angst, Child Abuse, F/M, Frank isn't paid enough, Gen, Hallucinogens, I used the comic version of Newcastle, John this isn't how you bond, M/M, Memories, Multi, Newcastle was a bunch of bad decisons made by college students, Prostitution, Shapeshifters - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, incest bc alex logue, newcastle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 15:40:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17368691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storybored/pseuds/storybored
Summary: John doesn't have the most conventional ideas of team building, what better way to cement his friendships with his favorite people on the waverider then go on a trip through John's subconscious.





	B stands for better then expected

Zari saw the look on John’s face when he saw his ex? On the screen. An empty thousand yard look. She was familiar with the look, it was the look that the metas wore after they were broken out of ARGUS. She followed John to the library, she wanted to know what happened. She saw the way Nick looked at him, like he hung the sun and moon. She wanted to know what happened with him.

She knocked on the library door, it was safer that way with John you never knew what was going on with him. She hated walking in on him naked, part of her wanted him to have his own personal room but Ray was protective of Nate’s old room. And John didn’t seem to be willing to make himself at home or comfortable outside a nest of books and random clothes. To anyone else it would’ve just looked like the room was messy, but the strange thing Zari noticed about John is that he was erratically methodical. Even his messes had a purpose, the bottles strewn inconveniently within the walkway, it acted as a bell. He made it impossible to get to where he slept without tripping over something and making a noise. 

She knocked on the library door and was surprised when it open automatically. She looked away mainly out of reflex but looked up shocked when she heard a hiss of pain and saw John struggling out of his ruined shirt. His right arm hung limply at his side while he tried to maneuver his way out of the shirt. She slid into the room allowing the door to shut behind her,”John? Do you need help?”

John froze and looked at Zari, his expression guarded and vaguely hostile, like a caged animal,”Do me a favor, love, get me my bag.”

Zari handed him the leather briefcase and wasn’t surprised when he pulled out some whiskey and a bottle of pills. She looked at John struggling to unbutton his shirt,”Here, let me.”

John made a pained noise, but allowed her to help him out of his shirt,”Ask your question.”

“What question?”

“If Nick, Zee and I were so in love. What happened to make me so bitter?” John immediately gripped his bandaged right shoulder. Zari didn’t need to take John to the med bay to realize his ligaments are all shredded. His shoulder looked like it had been put through a meat grinder.

“John. What the hell happened to you?”

“A big bloody demon by the name Calabraxis. The Devil’s butcher. THe same demon that wore Jack the Ripper like a cheap suit.” John slumped against Zari,”Bastard wanted to put that creature on the throne. Had to stop it, he just happened to-”

“Try and turn you into dogmeat?”

“Putting it politely.”

Zari slid an arm around John’s waist and pulled him up, and lead him to the med bay, the wound wasn’t properly stitched, or stitched at all and was just wrapped in a mess of blood stained bandages,”How’d you get from London to here with  _ this _ ?”

“A house.” John replied stumbling over his feet slightly. 

“Yeah, sure a house.” Zari replied, John was getting loopy from blood loss. She was kind of surprised he could appear seminormal, but that was John for you.

John sank into the med bay chair closest to the door. A chair his past self occupied less then a day beforehand. He didn’t protest as Zari hooked him up to Gideon, only sighing when the morphine started to kick in as Gideon worked on putting his shoulder back together. John’s eyes closed, Zari traced the dragon tattoo on his forearm, one of his many tattoos.”What happened between you three?”

John’s eyes fluttered open, but he didn’t meet her eyes,”There’s the artifacts called the books of magic, powerful. Possibly the source of all magic. And Nick has always been a little.. Touched. I mean you have to be to dabble in magic-”

“His obsession shifted from you and Zatanna to the books?” Zari asked from the little they talked Nick seemed obsessed with John and Zatanna, but not possessive just obsessed.

John shrugged,”He changed, he got withdrawn, started to waste away. Eventually he accused me and Zee of abandoning him and threw us out.”

Zari seemed to accept this answer,”And you and Zatanna split up after that?”

“We split up a year after Nick’s death. I wasn’t coping well, or at all and Zatanna couldn’t take it. She left me. Haven’t seen her since.”

“How long has it been?”

“Nine maybe ten years, We don’t run in the same circles anymore. We were never supposed to, Occultism and true magic rarely mix.” John’s voice was sad and his tattoo itched, burned. She wasn’t dead. He could still feel her, and it wasn’t the crippling feeling he got when the pain was too much for Nick and he sent a shock wave through the bond which would lay him up for a week or more.

“Why don’t you talk to her?” Zari asked as John’s lower lip trembled slightly.

“She never wanted to see me again. I lost my best friend because I couldn’t cope with being a murderer.”

“John, I’m sure you’re not a murderer.” Zari said, he had the same look Sara had when she talked about being an assassin a look of mute silent suppressed fear,”You’re a good person.”

“You can believe what you like it doesn’t change the facts.” John was silent as Gideon finished cartarizing his wounds,”Fancy on going on a little trip with me?”

“Where?”

“My subconscious.” John smiled at her easily, he was trying to get across that this was his idea of bonding. Contrary to popular belief Sara wasn’t his favorite person on the Waverider. It was Zari, she was actually “nice” to him were Sara would be nice one moment and hostile the next. Zari only had one mode with John and that was tired sarcasm which he liked and was used to. 

“Can I join?” Charlie was standing at the entrance to the med bay looking like she didn’t want to intrude.

“You up for a little trip?” John adored Charlie. He made it an open secret that he loved his girls. No better people to go on a getting to know you trip with then an immortal shapeshifter and a totem using hacktivist from the future.

“Always. What are we doing?”

“Hallucinogens. Bit of magic, A basic Friday night at Casa Constantine.” John smirked at the girls. Charlie rolled her eyes and let out a laugh as John tried to detangle himself from Gideon and nearly trip over the med bay’s chair,”We might be able to figure out a way for you to get your powers back.”

Charlie helped steady him,”You really think so?”

“My best mate was a shapeshifter, she’s the one who taught me the spell I used on you, and tantra but those were mutually exclusive.” John missed the old crew, they were all dead now. Frank and Judith’s little ones were being raised by Ellie and a druid by the name Savarinea. It was the cost of dealing with the Brujeria. It was a cost they all knew about and all risked to pay.

Zari and Charlie followed him into the library, and John immediately made a beeline for his makeshift apothecary. Which was two small cabinet boxes, a hot plate, a kettle, and a mortar and pestle.

“So what all are we taking?” Zari asked sitting down on the couch that doubled as John’s bed. She was surprised to see it made, ever since he started living in the library no one went in there unless they were looking for something from John. So he must’ve made it himself. He didn’t seem like the type.

“Ayahuasca, Peyote, Psilocybin, Salvia.” John began to list the ingredients and cut his hand with his pocket knife,”Essence of the person who’s subconscious we’re traveling through.”

Charlie seemed okay with the tea potion thing, she knew mages. John was letting them off easy with it being blood, it could’ve been something far more...personal. Zari however looked a little skeptical at the ingredients, especially the blood part. She had done psychedelics with Amaya in the past, and it wasn’t that she didn’t think it’d be fun, she was just wondering if it had to be so gross,”Does it have to be blood?”

John looked up at Charlie with a look of your turn,”I don’t think we know John-o well enough for the other option.”

Zari made a face and John frowned,”I don’t think I’ve known anyone well enough for that option to be appealing. Plus this is easier. And more prone to an honest trip.”

John poured the tea into three cups that he pulled from somewhere, and Zari looked confused. She really hated magic,”Honest trip?”

Charlie covered for John who had the attention span of a goldfish and set his cup down to go tamper with his trunk, dragging it to use as a bench as Charlie sat down on the table,”If he uses a Tantra based tisane, we’re in for a happier and much dirtier trip.”

John took his cup back,”It’ll still be a dirty trip, but more like finding a corpse in the Thames and less…..porny.”

Charlie clinked her glass with John and Zari eagerly, this was going to be fun. She might get her powers back,”Chin chin.”

They all knocked back their drinks, making faces at the taste. John was the one who spoke first his voice urgent,”Remember no matter what happens, these are memories. Things that already happened. You can’t stop it no matter how much you want to.”

* * *

 

_ They were standing in a graveyard, a little blond boy was on a bench in a shabby green coat that was coming apart. He seemed to be kicking his feet impatiently, he looked so cold and lonely. Zari wanted to go sit by and hold him but she was stopped by John’s hand on her elbow. She turned and looked at him curiously and he only shook his head. Charlie squeezed her hip for support. There was a slash of brilliant blinding yellow, gold, and a little boy hiding behind a grave a few rows down. John’s muscles tensed, he wanted to run to him still. His better half.  _

_ John closed his eyes and looked away, he knew what happened next. He experienced it, he couldn’t watch it. _

_ Charlie reached out for the boy in green as he ran towards the golden boy. It wasn’t going to end well. The boy in green disappeared in between the graves, Zari followed the boy picking up speed when she heard the screaming and yelling to start. Zari turned the corner and saw the boy in green crying and screaming at the Golden Boy. Zari didn’t forget John’s warning but she ignored it, her older sister instinct taking over and wanting to hold him and protect him. She wrapped her arms around the boy and was surprised when her arms passed through him. He wavered like a mist. There was a snappish angry voice, the owner of that voice passed through Zari and hit the boy on the back of the head hard enough to whip his head to the side and sent him to the damp ground,”Damn it, boy! Disrespectful little shit!” _

_ Zari tapped her totem when John’s voice broke her out of her trance,” _ It’s the past Zari. You can’t change it. _ ” _

_ She watched as the little boy was picked up by his arm and pulled away from her, the older man growled at him,”Come on, John.” _

_ The little boy looked back at the graves where the golden boy was hiding and he looked afraid. She’d seen that look on John’s face after his dad hit him in the bar. A look of fear and resignation, no one should look like that especially when they’re that young. _

* * *

 

_ John knocked on Cheryl’s door, she’d been hiding away for awhile and he wanted to know if she was mad at him. Dad was mad at him, he was always mad at him,”Cheryl?” _

_ Cheryl’s voice came from the room,”It’s open, our John.” _

_ John opened the door and walked in immediately climbing into bed with his sister. _

_ Charlie, John And Zari stood in the corner of the room, Cheryl was sitting in her bed the comforter pulled up over her stomach, she was reading one of her school books. She watched as John hid under her blankets pressed against her side,”Cheryl?” _

_ “Hmm?” _

_ “Are you going to leave?” The lump under the blanket shifted. _

_ “No, why would you say that?” Cheryl put down the book as young John sat up pulling the covers down.  _

_ John approached the bed, his voice confused,” _ This is wrong.”

_ Zari looked at John in confusion,” _ What do you mean? These are your memories. _ ” _

_ “ _ She wasn’t pregnant with Gemma until I was older. Unless…” _ John rubbed the heel of his hands in his eye,” _ Why don’t I remember this?”

“You were young. It’s okay.”

_ Cheryl poked John’s cheek,”Our John?” _

_ “I don’t want you to leave after the baby.” Young John crawled onto Cheryl’s lap and was careful of her stomach, not wanting to hurt the baby. He rested his head on her chest.  _

_ Cheryl rested her chin on John’s head, combing her fingers through his shaggy hair,”I won’t leave you, sweetie.” _

_ “Cross your heart?” John asked his voice soft, almost like he was hoping she didn’t hear him. _

_ Cheryl laughed slightly,”Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye.” _

_ John giggled as Cheryl kissed his cheek,”Will you read to me?” _

_ Cheryl picked her book back up,”Of course.” _

* * *

 

_ The B team was in a sparsely furnished boy’s room. John was curled up in his bed, the sheets pulled up over his head. Charlie nearly screamed when she saw the towering skeletal figure standing over John. John’s head peaked out of the covers but he didn't open his eyes,”Cheryl? I know that's you. I’ll tell dad.” _

_ “Cheryl” didn’t respond and John sat up, rubbing his eyes,”Look ‘m sorry for earlier I won’t do it again. Didn’t mean to scare you.” _

_ Cheryl let out a gravelly growl and John opened his eyes and tried to scream as the shape lunged at him,”You borrow from one hell to pay another, John Constantine. And with each transaction you lay down your soul as the surety. What is there left of you either to buy or sell?” _

_ The skeleton practically climbed on top of John and John tried to twist away, away from the smell of damp grave dirt, ash, and rotting flesh, but he was frozen in fear. Staring into lifeless eyes,”You must offer me something better, fresher, a little less…. Spoiled.” _

_ The skeleton disappeared and John rediscovered his voice, and started screaming. Loud, fearful, blood curdling screams. The door banged open and Zari recognized John’s father, last time she didn’t get a good look at his face, but now she did and she hated the cold hatred that was in his eyes,”What in the name of Christ is going on here?” _

_ John looked less afraid with the skeleton standing over him,”D-- Dad! There was a ghost” _

_ Tommy snarled at his son,”It’s four o’clock in the frigging morning, John! God forgive my bloody language. I’m clocking on in two hours.” _

_ “But-” John started before being cut off by his father. _

_ “If you see any more ghosts my fucking belt is coming off to you. I mean it.” Tommy walked out of the room after that slamming the door behind him. John stared at the door and curled up near the head of his bed and began to cry quietly his head buried in his knees. _

_ Charlie slid down the wall and buried her face in her hands,” _ All you humans are the same. You’re the monsters. How could he treat a child like that?”

_ John and Zari shared a look and John kneeled next to Charlie and put an arm around her,” _ He’s guilty as original sin. Killed his mother and brother. Proverbs 11:21 and Exodus 22:18.”

_ Charlie leaned into Jon’s embrace and Zari laid on him, her head laying on his shoulder,” _ You really can’t believe that right?”

_ John smiled, a pained resigned thing,” _ Doesn’t really matter what I believe, yeah? Happened whether I believed it or not.”

_ Charlie shuddered, did she really want her powers back if it meant having to see other humans kick the crap out of someone she viewed as a close friend? _

_ John spoke again his voice soft and comforting, a tone he rarely heard growing up besides from Cheryl,” _ We can stop if you want. I can break the spell.”

_ Charlie shook her head, this was John’s memories. His life. He lived through every day of this, this terrible fearful existence. She could do it. She would not be the first to chicken out,” _ No, I’m okay.”

_ John nodded against Charlie before dislodging Zari and standing up. He pulled Charlie up with him, not pushing her away when she wrapped herself in his trench coat. Zari held his hand, and he squeezed it reassuringly,” _ I can stop this at any time.”

“We know John, we’ll tell you if we need it.”

* * *

 

_ John slid in between the rails of the building, it was high enough, high enough where it wouldn’t hurt when he hit the ground. He’d read about that, people who didn’t jump from high enough, laying on the ground and suffering. John pulled up his sleeve gingerly hissing as it brushed the fresh burns from his father and bruises from the latest beatings he’d gotten. It was stupid doing this on top of  a hospital but it was the only place with a roof he could easily access without drawing attention to himself. Part of him did think he was too young to die but that part of him was drowned out by the despair of Cheryl leaving him with a monster, she snuck away in the middle of the night and didn’t even tell him goodbye, much less take him with her. It just wasn’t fair. _

_ John took a deep breath and felt the sun on his face and the wind ruffling his hair, he wished it was raining though. He prefered  the rain to sun, it didn’t make him squint. Just chilled him to the bone which he could deal with easily, but he couldn’t deal with the people. He stood up and held his arms open, when he heard the door creak open. John stepped back from the ledge a bit, he didn’t want someone to stop him but he also didn’t want anyone to see. That’s why he planned to fall into the alleyway and not on the main street,”John!” _

_ John swayed slightly, nearly losing his balance, why did it have to be him? That stupid bloody hopeless fool. John didn’t turn to face Gary,”What did you want, Gaz?” _

_ Gaz shrugged,”To hang out?” _

_ John sat down on the ledge of the rooftop, his shoulders hunched to his ears,”Go home, Gaz.”  _

_ “No.” Gaz sat behind John and grabbed the tattered leather jacket and yanked him onto his lap. _

_ John gasped at the sudden movement and tried to struggle against Gary’s grip,”Gaz, let me go. Please!” _

_ John’s pleading became more frantic and tearful and Gary’s grip tightened,”I’m not letting you go. I love you.” _

_ All of John’s fight went out at those three little words. John let out a sob and twisted burying his face in Gaz’s shirt,”Why did she leave me with him?” _

_ “Maybe she would’ve been unable to take care of you?” Gaz could feel John’s ribs, no one was taking care of him. Not even John was taking care of himself, he might not have known how. Gaz held John stroking his hair until his sobs trailed off into shaky breaths and John had a death grip on his arm. _

_ Gaz thought John was asleep, until he spoke his voice barely above a whisper. The legends could hear him clearly were as Gaz struggled,”You shouldn’t say that.” _

_ “Say what?” _

_ “That you love me.”John stared intently at the hole in Gaz’s jeans, Gaz made a questioning noise and John continued. His voice quiet and factual, a secret that only he knew. A secret that was too terrible to see the light of day,”You’ll be taken away from me. Everyone is.” _

_ Gaz kissed John’s temple,”I’m not going anywhere, mate. Next time though, come to me first.” _

_ “Sure.” John said softly, they both knew he wouldn’t. John was the type to not have any problems as long as they didn’t see the light of day. _

_ Zari looked up at her John, he looked as if he’d seen a ghost,” _ How old were you when this happened?”

_ John shrugged,” _ 12-13. This was after Cheryl left.”

* * *

 

_ John flinched as his dad pounded on the door. If he got through that door he may actually kill John this time. John quietly slid open  the window, hissing as his ribs protested. He had to jump out the window if he was going to escape the house for good. John grabbed the canvas bag he had stashed away for this moment. The moment when it became more life and death then the rest of his life had been thus far. John jumped out the window and gasped when he hit the ground. He was sure he made an impressive impersonation of a fish out of water. _

“Get up you stupid Sod! If he catches you he’ll kill you.”  _ John urged his past self who was making no gesture to move. John’s past self rolled over and coughed spitting something into the grass before heading off to the train station. He had to get out of Liverpool. To London, to a better life, he had his skills which he knew people would pay him for. People were sick fucks. _

_ John hopped the backyard fence casting one last look at his childhood home. He didn’t need anybody, he could only count on himself. He didn’t need Cheryl, didn’t need his father, and he sure as hell didn’t need Gary bloody Lester. _

“Stupid blighter.”  _ John watched his younger self disappear, _ ”300 quid in his pocket and leaving for London in the middle of the fall. No marketable skills, stupid frigging kid.”

_ Charlie put a hand on his back and quickly removed it when John jumped, she had a suspicion on what he did to survive. 300 quid only gets you so far in London. Zari spoke her voice gentle, so to not startle John further,” _ John, what did you do?”

“The only thing I could. Be surprised how many people would pay a 15 year old twink to make them feel desirable again.” _ John didn’t need to turn back to know the pitying stares he was going to get, they just didn’t understand,” _ I did what I had to do. Eventually getting groped in the back of a Ford looks more appealing then starving for the fourth day in a row.”

_ John felt eyes on him, he’d been feeling them ever since he entered the book store. And besides the cashier who was too stoned to see straight that meant the girl with the blonde halo of hair who’d been looking through the tantra books on the other side of the trolley for the past 30 minutes. He caught her multicolored eyes and smiled at her. A flirty, almost feral grin that most women and men go for.  _

_ She giggled at him, and smiled sweetly, like honey or sugar, and warm like the sun. She smiled at him and leaned forward like she wanted to tell him a secret. John leaned forward, a slight mockery of her pose,”Anyone ever tell you, you look like the bastard child of Sting and Sid Vicious?” _

“ _ You’d be the first.” John said preening at the twisted praise, he likes her already. _

_ She reached over the trolley and stuck out her hand,”I’m Judith, Judith Savage.” _ _   
_ _ John noticed the tattoo on her forearm, the back of a tarot card with the symbol of the Red King on the back, surrounded by Belladonna, Enchanter’s Nightshade and Bittersweet. An interesting tattoo choice but it wasn’t bad, just interesting. He took her hand,”Constantine, John. Nice ink.” _

_ John stiffened slightly at the shock that went through him when he took Judith’s hand. Her grip tightened and he noticed something shift on her arm, the card had changed revealing the pattern on the “underside”, The Hanged Man. That was foreboding. _

_ Judith turned her arm over, still holding John’s hand, she looked up at him shocked, she kept her voice quiet,”You’re a mage?” _

_ John shrugged under the sudden scrutiny he wasn’t used to people paying attention to him like that. Interest and no carnal fascination, at least not yet,”Petty Dabbler, more like.” _

_ “Never thought one’d be a scouser.” Judith said slightly amused. _

_ “Just moved here a few months ago.” John said coyly, he knew how to play people but she wasn’t buying into it if her amused expression was anything to go by. _

_ “Well then guess you’ll need a hookup.” Judith walked around the trolley and slung an arm around his hip,”Came to the right girl, Sting Vicious.” _

_ “ _ Who’s that?”  _ Charlie asked, John never mentioned her before. _

“Shapeshifter, Bassist. Dead.”  _ John looked at his past self leaving with his first friend in London, his hook into the occult community. _

_ Charlie put an arm around John’s waist,” _ She the one who gave you the spell?”

“Yeah, She did it after we formed the band.”

* * *

 

_ John smiled at Stanley, he knew how to play this game and he was insanely good at it. Stanley wanted something from him and John wanted to be able to pay rent. Judith was lovely but couch surfing wasn’t appealing for much longer, and she didn’t have a constant residence either prefering to float through the London homeless and magical community, only shifting when she really needed the cash. The way she she described it was that it was the form she wore when she met him and was how she’d always imagined herself, gentle and warm and oh so pretty not the monster she really was. John saw the supposed monster and thought it was beautiful, but John also wasn’t credited for being the most conventional in taste. Hence the hooking. _

_ “So?” John asked staring up at Stanley. Men like him wanted to feel bigger and more important than they actually were,”You gonna take me home, Mr. Manor?” _

_ Stanley laughed, thoroughly charmed by John. Part of him knew it was an act, but John could walk up to you on a clear day and have you believe the sky was bright pink. It was part of his charm, you wanted to like him. Wanted to believe him. You wanted him to like you. _

_ John grabbed Stanley by his belt and began to drag him out of the door only pausing when they were half outside,”First things though…..” _

_ Stanley fished out John’s payment which he took with a begrudging smile, the charming boy who fell on hard times who was doing whatever it took to survive. Suckers like Stanley ate that shit up. John put away the cash and continued through the door up to Stanley’s hotel room,” Come on, Pet, I’ll show you a good time.” _

* * *

 

_ John glowed at the sound of the crowds screaming and applause, another great show. Judith laughed and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek before she tackled Gaz who swung her around happily. John bolted off the stage and into the unsuspecting arms of Frank and Chas who were hanging out with Annie, Ritchie and Ben.  _

_ John bounded into Frank’s arms and smiled at Frank innocently,”Hey, Frank.” _

_ Frank readjusted his grip on John,”Hi. It’s a miracle the show went well.” _

_ “I think the real miracle is that John was able to get into those leather pants.” Ritchie said as Frank smiled at Judith sweetly. _

_ John jumped out of Frank’s arms putting his hands on his belt loops,”It’s quite simple really, it’s just leg, leg, booty wiggle.” _

_ Judith sighed resting her head against Frank’s shoulder,”It’s quite a sight, wouldn’t you agree Anne Marie?” _

_ Anne Marie gave Judith and John a dirty look,”No.” _

_ John looked personally offended by that, he knew he wasn’t exactly a catch but he thought he more than made up for it. John scoffed at Annie,”Whatever.” _

_ Alex Logue approached them handing them their share of the door money and the payment for the gig. John draped himself over Gaz, possessive, a warning,”My offer still stands to you two gentlemen.” _

_ John kissed Gaz’s neck,”Nah, I think we’re good. Gazzy?” _

_ Gaz stiffened slightly, he was seeing what John and Frank were talking about. Something about Logue was off,”I’m good. We going home?” _

_ “Yeah, Frankie was going to give me a tattoo.” _

_ Frank raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment as John began to head out to the van, Frank readjusted his motorcycle vest and climbed on to his bike, Judith sliding behind him. John smiled as they peeled off to the apartment, they weren’t dating yet. But they were slowly circling around each other. Gaz slid into the driver seat and took off to the apartment when everyone was settled in. _

* * *

 

_ John was pissed. They all were, Frank and Judith the most as they were going to get a little more than their normal share as an engagement gift. Frank was the one who figured out that Logue stiffed them. Chas went home after the show because Renee started to have the farm while the rest of the band celebrated the engagement between Frank and Judith. And if the smudged lipstick on Frank’s lips was anything to go by the happy couple continued celebrating long after last call. John smiled at the two of them,”You two had fun.” _

_ Judith shot him a dirty look and Frank shot him a haphazard grin,”Would’ve had more fun if we were paid proper.” _

_ John gestured to the door to the club,”Once Ritchie finishes his rail, we’ll go in.” _

_ Judith rolled her eyes and hoped into the back of the van,”You’re such a child. Let mummy show you how it’s done.” _

_ Ritchie was pushed out of the back of the van stumbling into a puddle, and Anne Marie helped him up shooting Judith a dirty look as she wiped her nose and purged the drugs from her system, being a shapeshifter did have it’s benefits. Gaz and John were sitting underneath Benjamin’s crappy bleached black umbrella. Ben was currently discussing Aleister Crowley with Frank who was just nodding and trying to wipe off the smudged lipstick from his face.  _

_ “That’s a waste of a perfectly good rail.” Ritchie said glaring at Judith. _

_ “You move slow.” Judith replied stealing Frank’s peaked cap and trying to hid her mane of hair from the rain. _

_ Frank rolled his eyes and readjusted his duffle bag. He was only there incase it went south. Not that Judith and John can’t handle themselves. It was the non piss and vinegar filled people he was concerned about. Particularly Ben and Gaz, they weren’t helpless, they were just hopeless. John hopped off the front of the car and walked to the front of the Casanova Club, and pulled at the doors, locked. Damn it,”Frank?” _

_ Frank kicked the door off his hinges and Judith whistled appreciatively,”That’s hot.” _

_ “Anybody want a drink?” Frank hopped behind the bar grabbing in unopened bottle of Bells. Judith held her hand out as Frank took a pull from the bottle and made a face before spitting it out,”Euch, it’s rotten.” _

_ Judith made a face and walked into the club,no one was there which was strange,even by her high standards. Judith was standing in a puddle of what she hoped was spilled sangria or bloody mary from one of Logue’s “rituals”, she knelt down to smell it.  Metallic, blood, too much to be an accident. There was a trail leading to the stage where Ben was standing,”Something awful happened here.” _

_ “Hey guys?” Ben called getting the rest of the crews’ attention,”There’s a cellar door.” _

_ John looked over at Ben,”Yeah? And?” _

_ “I heard noises behind it.” Ben said as John and Frank looked at each other. A silent discussion on what the game plan should be. _

_ “Damn it.” John sighed, running his hand through his hair making it stick up a little more wild than usual,”Alright, let’s take a look then.” _

_ John decided to head down into the “chapel” first because he was the most skilled in magic, and Frank followed because of Ole Faithful, the ever present sawed off shotgun, which no one figured out how he got. Judith brought up the rear with Anne Marie because they weren’t going to kill each other when something was going wrong. And a ten foot tall skeletal monster thing was helpful when things went arse up.  _

_ John picked the lock on the door and swung it open, the scent was one you could chew. A hot noxious fume. THe smell of blood mixed with rot and the stale scent of sex. What the hell happened here? _

_ John squinted, he couldn’t see anything. There was loud rasping breathes coming from the shadows. John’s slowly adjusted to the lack of light, and he recoiled as Frank pulled him back. There were gasps and screams from the rest of the crew, Ritchie threw up. _

_ The crew jumped when they heard screaming start upstairs, it was either stay here knee deep in the carnage or face the possible mayhem upstairs, it wasn’t a choice.  _

_ They spotted the little girl dancing in the middle of the room, John gasped,”Jesus, it’s the little kid-- Logue’s daughter, Astra.” _

_ They couldn’t locate the sounds of the screams. Judith grabbed Frank’s arm,”Oh no, D’ya think she saw-- Y’know, down there.” _

_ Frank squeezed her hand comfortingly,”Yeah, and heard it.” _

_ Anne and Judith slowly approached Astra, not wanting to scare her while John yelled at Ritchie for choosing one of the worst times to do a couple of rows,”Hello.” _

_ Astra looked afraid of Annie and Judith,”Wh-What do you want?” _

_ Judith put a hand on Astra’s upper back,”Take it easy sweetheart. Don’t be frightened.” _

_ Annie knelt down putting her hands on Astra’s shoulders,”We’re here to help you, Luvvy.” _

_ Astra screamed and shoved Annie and Judith away from her,”Don’t touch me! I won’t do it anymore! I don’t like it.” _

_ John and Gaz were definitely the least intimidating of the crew, John kept his voice low and soft staying out of arm’s reach of her, Gaz was right behind him following his lead,”What happened, Astra? What happened to your dad?” _

_ She giggled hysterically,”Didn’t you hear it? Norfulthing got him, Norfulthing, Norfulthing. Norfulthing.” _

_ John’s voice was concerned, bordering worried,”Ben, bolt the cellar. Annie, I need your help.” _

_ Judith was smoking a joint to calm her nerves, fear made her jumpy and wired, she needed to find her center if she was going to help them. Frank was loading his sawed off shotgun occasionally taking puffs off of his fiancee's joint which was probably stolen form Ritchie, he had the best drugs out of all of them. Annie felt cold and shaky, her stomach tying itself into knots, and those knots twisting herself around,”What do you need me to do?” _

_ “I need you to watch over Astra, I’d ask Judith but we may need something a bit bigger than Ole Faithful. I can hypnotize her, I just need someone I trust to watch her.” _

_ Annie nodded, as long as she didn’t have to go back into the cellar. She was fine. SHe may have been angry with John but she didn’t want to take it out on Astra, the poor girl was shaking,”Of course, no problem.” _

_ John kept his voice soft,”Now Astra, Luv, I want you to feel all warm and cozy. Like you were snuggled up in bed.” _

_ Astra’s voice was bitter,”I don’t like it in my bed, cause my dad always get in with me and he’s all fat and hairy. He makes me do things like my mummy used to do before the accident.” _

_ John stiffened, Oh God no. She wasn’t even ten. John looked over at Annie and she reached the same conclusion he did. Astra continued without prompting explaining what Logue did to her, what he made her do,”And he makes me go down to the cellar, too. When him and his friends get drunk, take stuff and get bare.” _

_ Zari turned her head to look at John her expression horrified,” _ Is she saying that he-?”

_ John nodded, what Logue got was too good for him, he cut her off. He couldn't hear it again,” _ Yeah, he did. Hence the Norfulthing _.” _

_ John felt his spine go icy, not a demon, something primordial and evil, an elemental, a terror one probably,”And what about the creature?” _

_ Astra crossed her arms, hugging herself and looked up at John,”It’s not my fault he should’ve listened. One of them has too much of the stuff and he’s hurting one of the girls, then he’s hurting me. I get scared and angry, no one came to help. So I thought of the very worst thing I could think of. And it came to help, it’s a Norfulthing. Partly it’s a giant dog and part monkey with a purple bum. But worse than that, it’s all inside out.” _

_ John closed his eyes he couldn’t bare to hear anymore. He felt god awful about cutting her off but the sooner it was dealt with the sooner Astra could be saved. How did he not notice what was happening, stupid, stupid, stupid John. John put Astra into a trance,”Alright, Luv, sleep. The Norfulthing will be gone when you wake up.” _

_ John stood up and lit a cigarette with a shaking hand, trying to get rid of the feeling of the sharp pain in his lower back. Frank’s jaw was clenched and Judith looked like she wanted to burst into tears, problem with being immortal, you thought you’d seen the worst of humanity and they always managed to sink lower. God, did John hate humans. Judith’s voice was watery,”That is one of the worst things I’ve heard. This creature….. Do you think it’s real?” _

_ John exhaled, trying to hide the trembling of his hands,”You think the cellar happened naturally? We should be so lucky. What do you think?” _

_ John looked up at Frank questioningly, and Gaz looked over to John,”John, what do we do?” _

_ Frank’s voice was barely above a growl, and the rest of the crew stepped back slightly. Frank was pissed off, angrier than anyone had ever seen him before,”I saw we blow the crap out of it and torch the joint.” _

_ John scoffed at Frank,”Don’t be daft, it’s a terror elemental. She controls it, as long as no one disturbs it we should be fine. We need to fight fire with fire.” _

_ Frank and Ritchie looked at him in disbelief. If John didn’t know better he’d think Frank would have shot him,”You’re joking. No way, one hell beast is enough.” _

_ Judith was the one who spoke up in favor of John’s plan,”I’m for it, not like we have any other good plans. It may be bond to this club, if we burn the club to the ground we may set it loose.” _

_ Frank made a sound in the back of his throat, a noise of begrudging acquiescence,”Fine, just be careful.” _

_ Judith smiled at him and kissed his cheek,”Always.” _

_ John looked at Frank,”Could you rig the gas tank to blow if things go tits up?” _

_ Frank narrowed his eyes at John,”You’re an idiot, but okay.” _

_ John looked at Judith,”You’re with me darling. We may need your other half. Ben, do you think-?” _

_ There was a scream from the cellar, and John’s head whipped around trying to locate Ben. He wasn’t on the stage and the cellar door was ajar. John took off to the cellar vaguely aware of Frank on his heels and Gaz and Ritchie scrambling to catch up to him,”Oh that stupid little sod!” _

_ They saw the Norfulthing standing above Ben. It was a truly massive thing, Astra’s description didn’t do it just, it was larger than Judith’s other half. It looked like it was in the middle of rotting. It was drooling over Ben, its slobber steaming in the already warm air. Ben was crying out for John to help him. John moved around trying to get Ben without setting the Norfulthing on himself. _

_ Frank had a better plan,”Get out of the fucking way!” _

_ John dropped to the ground as Frank fired his shotgun hitting Norfulthing in the side, the elemental snapped at Frank who shot it again. John grabbed Ben as he was thrown to the side of the room, he began to pull Ben up the stairs. Frank was yelling for them to get out on JOhn heard the shotgun go off a few more times as he reached the stage setting Ben on the ground and hearing Frank slam the door behind him. _

_ Frank was out of breath,”Summon the demon.” _

_ Judith’s form rippled and for a split second her skin turned gnarled stone and wood before flickering back to her normal form,”Are you sure?”  _

_ Frank nodded,”I don’t even think you can beat it. It disappeared, we should be good to go down there.” _

_ Ritchie was helping Ben attempt to stand up,”Not me man. Imma stay up here with Ben.” _

_ Annie was holding Astra who was still peacefully asleep,”I’m going to stay with Astra.” _

_ “I gotta set up the tank to blow.” _

_ John nodded and looked at Judith and Gaz who shared a look of agreement,”Ritchie, take Ben out to the van, give him some vodka, or something.” _

_ Zari was crying, _ ”John, stop it. I want to get out.”

“Alright, Zee.”  _ John  put his hand over her eyes, _ ”Sleep now, the next time you hear my voice you will wake up safe on the Waverider.”

* * *

 

When Charlie came out from under the spell, she  saw John’s expression. Blank, shellshocked, his eyes shiny with unshed tears and his left hand scratching unconsciously at his right arm, drawing blood. Charlie went to grab for his hand and stop the scratching. But she felt a chilly feeling past through her, a ghost. She recognized the two of them. Frank was easily identified by his sheer size and peaked cap he wore. Judith was next to him, An afro of blonde and brunette hair all wrapped in a dress she looked poured into. Frank reached over and grabbed John’s wrist,”Kid, that’s enough.”

John closed his eyes and Judith wrapped herself around him,”Let them in.”

John shook his head, he didn’t realize Charlie was out of the spell yet,”I can’t lose anyone else. My heart won’t be able to take it.”

Judith presses a kiss to his cheek while Frank ruffled his hair,”You’ll never lose us, Sting Vicious. Not as long as your heart still beats. But those two care about you.”

“They’ll get taken away or hurt or killed.” John’s voice sounded small and hopeless, truly vulnerable, like a child’s.

Frank sat on John’s right his hand wrapped around John’s arm as if to prevent him scratching,”Do you remember what you told me when I was worried about what Judith thought of me?”

John sighed,”It’s not a risk if you don’t regret it. But I regret it every time one of you gets hurt.”

Frank looked over at Judith, an exasperated look of you take this. Judith grabbed John’s chim and turned his head so he was forced to look at her,”Okay, you fucking moron. You’re going to listen to me now. People who love you know that it’s going to be rocky, no one loves you without the fear that it’s going to come back to bite them in the arse. But when you let us in, when you let us love you to your deepest soul… it’s beautiful. Take the chance again. Gamble, you’re good at it.”

Judith kissed John’s cheek again, and John looked at her sadly. Frank put a hand on John’s shoulder,”It’s no one’s lot in life to suffer indiscriminately not even yours.”

John let a huff of watery laughter and he noticed Charlie staring at him concerned,”How much of that did you see?”

“Was that a ghost?” Charlie asked because she thought she knew but it could’ve been a psychism too. Could never be too sure with John.

“Yeah, they look different when it’s a psychism.” John took a deep breath and looked over at Zari who had tears running down her face,”We should wake her up.”

John put a hand on Zari’s left arm and Charlie cupped her face,”Zee? You with us?”

Zari was trying to suppress her tears,”He did that to his own daughter…..how could he?”   
John stood up and wrapped an arm Zari’s shoulders,”It’s alright, Zari. He got what he deserved. He got what was coming to him.”

Charlie wrapped an arm around Zari’s waist and rested her head on John’s arm,”You had it tough.”

John shrugged,”We all did. I’m sorry about the spell.”

Charlie knew that he was trying and she understood him better, he was a dick to be a dick but it was his version of icing someone out, he’d keep you at an arms length so he wouldn’t be hurt again, and again. He was trying and he had that look in his eye that screwed up the timeline. A look of I’ll do whatever it takes to do what I promise,”I know you’re doing your best, John-o.”

John nodded and Zari wrapped her arms around them, they might not be been anyone’s draft pick, but the B team was pretty good too. Traumatized, full of assholes and punk rockers. But still, pretty damn good.

**Author's Note:**

> It truly says something about you when you are in a story with Stanley and everyone can agree that yeah you're worse.


End file.
